It's All Fodder for the Tell-All

On singleness and getting married

2011-09-13T10:05:00.000-05:00

**edit** This is the 3rd draft of this. I had more to add the more I thought about it.

I'm guessing that what I'm going to write isn't going to be what some people want to hear. Truth is, it has become cliche' to say, "You just need seek God so that you can figure out who you are (in Him)" while single. However cliche', it's still the truth, and a truth that many women want to ignore. If you want to know how I did it, how I found a man I wanted to marry, a man God sent to me, here ya go: I worked to get my life together apart from everyone but God. I was tired of being miserable (about life in general) and determined not to date another guy who wasn't worthy to date me. I knew there were changes in my life that couldn't happen if I was wrapped up in another person or in some daydream about the future. I had to live in the present and allow God to strip away all the junk from my life. I didn't wallow anymore about being single. I didn't cry. I didn't ask, "Oh God where is the man for me?" There was no point. I knew God was calling me to focus on him. So, I focused on allowing God to make me in to who he wanted me to be. He did the rest. He did the changing, and he sent me Micah.

On the surface, Micah is not what I would have ever picked out for myself in a million years. He was not my "type" at all (I wasn't his type either), and he loved country music. Eek :). Our relationship was difficult from day one. We were both determined not to date another "wrong" person, and that meant we were constantly evaluating our relationship and asking hard questions. We enjoyed each other's company, and he treated me well. He was (and is) so sweet and he would kiss me on the forehead 17 times in a row (or so it seemed). But, things were still hard as we sought God's will and tried our best to be understanding of each other. Each of us processes things in different ways and at different speeds. We began officially dating in November, and in January I felt God telling me that 1) I was going to have to choose to love Micah, rather than "feeling" in love first and 2) I was going to have to fight for our relationship. Those were intimidating and scary thoughts. I wondered what they meant, but as time went on, it was revealed to me. Choosing to love Micah meant I must make a conscious decision to love him and stick things out until/unless I felt God telling me to move on. Fighting for our relationship meant choosing to stick through the hard times while he sorted things out and choosing to confront baggage in my own life so that our relationship could succeed until/unless God told me to move on. I told God "ok" to loving Micah and to fighting for us in January, and I finally "felt" like I loved him a couple months later.

Our relationship remained tough. We were both trying so hard to keep our hearts open and unencumbered so that God could continue to grow and change us. We were learning how to not put God on the back burner as we learned how to love each other. We were learning how to get rid of relationship baggage that we were still hanging on to. It came to the point that though I had come to love Micah very much, I told him that if it ever came down to choosing between him and God, I would choose God. It was the first time in my life I could ever honestly say that I would choose God over a relationship/friendship with someone else. I wasn't scared what would happen without Micah. I knew that regardless of what happened, I would be fine. I trusted God to lead me. We made it through a rocky, long distance summer, and a couple of months later we were engaged. There were many times along the way when I prayed, "God, what are you doing? I don't understand this. God, this is so hard. We are so different! I trust you, Lord. I trust you to lead me." Trusting God in my relationship with Micah is one of the biggest leaps of faith I have ever taken. I had never trusted God with a relationship before. Micah and I both know we would never have made it if we hadn't sought God all along our relationship. And now we're married :).

Lest you think that now everything is sunshine and roses every day, I will let you know that things are still hard. Micah doesn't make things hard, and I don't make things difficult for him. It's just that God is still working on both of us. We love each other infinitely, and I am so thankful for Micah. I like waking up in the middle of the night and knowing he's there. I like snuggling up next to him and kissing him on the back or neck (because he's sleeping facing the other direction). But we are now learning what it means to be married, while still dealing with baggage from our past. We are done dealing with old relationship baggage and now dealing with hurts/misconceptions/etc picked up from 25 and 28 years of living. It has brought us closer together, and God is honoring our efforts to let go of the junk. God has done a mighty work in both of us starting before we knew each other and continuing today. God has used Micah to reveal His unconditional love for me. I wouldn't be who I am without God working through Micah. I am grateful, blessed, and in love; however, I know God could have chosen to work through different people or in different ways. I am so happy he chose to use Micah in my life!

Moral of the story: If you think you will ever be happy, single/married/whatever, without dealing with junk in your life and without allowing God to restore and redeem you, you are kidding yourself and allowing the enemy to deceive you. No man can make you happy or can love you the way God can. If your expectation is to go from miserably single to infinitely happily married, you will be expecting more from your husband and marriage than either was ever meant to provide. You will be sorely disappointed and just has miserable as before.

I don't say this to be mean or harsh. I just want to be honest. I'm tired of women telling other women what they want to hear when we're telling each other lies. We need the truth. We have to know and believe our worth and identities in Christ. I am finally figuring out who I am in Christ, and it is liberating! God has used countless people in my life the last couple years to help me see myself as He sees me. It's not me who did any of this. It has been all God. I just simply said, "I'm willing." You have to be willing to allow God to change you, for him to become all you desire, before you will ever be ready for marriage.

Bittersweet

2011-08-08T10:04:00.000-05:00

As I reflect on all the changes that will be taking place over the next few months and the excitement that comes along with new adventures, Micah and I are aware that it will definitely be hard to move away from our friends here. We don't know if we will move out of this area, but if we do we will be leaving some great people. Plus, we are really starting to like Lexington. We would be okay living there. I am thankful for the time we have spent here and for the our friends.

Rain, Rain...

2011-08-03T10:25:00.000-05:00

...go away. Well, I really don't mind the rain so much as the gloomyness that comes along with it. As I type I am sitting on campus avoiding the rain and storms. I hate to be home alone when it storms. The worst has passed, I suppose, but I have to get gas on my way home and I certainly don't want to do that with it still lightning outside. Also, I need to go to the bookstore before leaving campus so I can buy and start reading some books for class.

I was able to have a quiet time before coming to campus this morning. Randomly the other day, I realized that my bedroom is so much more inviting when the curtains and blinds are open and my bed is made. That might sound silly, but I have been needing/craving a cozy place to read, pray, and think. It's like God opened my eyes and suddenly I could see the potential in my room. I am grateful. Now I can start each morning by letting the sun in the windows, making my bed, and having my quiet time with the Lord. It gives a sense of purpose and direction to my day while also letting me feel a bit productive. That gives me motivation to finish other things on my to-do list.

I am thankful for what might seem like small blessings that God provides. It really is the small things that make up and enrich life. If I'm being honest, though, I have been very discontent lately as I read about my friends and acquaintances getting great jobs, moving exciting places, and doing big things for the Lord. I just keep wondering what God has in store for Micah and me. I begin to get really excited, but then I feel afraid to get my hopes up. It's not that I think God will let me down; it's that I don't want to disappoint myself. I don't want to have unrealistic expectations and hopes that are not in God's plan for me. Yes, I realize that as I seek him he will bring my hopes and desires in line with His. It's just that I am feeling a little insecure in life right now (as if that isn't obvious). As I wrote the other day, I refuse to sit around worrying about things. I just need to vent and hear what I'm thinking. Things make more sense that way and then seem so much smaller and lighter.

Decisions, Decisions

2011-08-01T12:16:00.000-05:00

I graduate in 4 months. FOUR. Micah and I need to find jobs and a new home in that time. We probably have 5 months before we have to be out of our townhouse, but I would love to have jobs and a home lined up before then. It's intimidating and fear-inducing when you're not sure what direction God is leading and with the economy and job market in their current state. I think that's what scares me the most. I have wondered/asked God several times, "How are you going to give me a job when there aren't any?" Then I remember, "Oh yeah...you're God!" I am determined to not let the worry consume me, and right now that is a moment-to-moment process. But I want to enjoy life right now and look forward to what God has in store for me. I don't want to be miserable, and why should I be? God is our provider, and he has never left me without a roof over my head or food to eat. He has always provided for my needs, whether that means giving me great friends, an affordable home, or scholarships at school. For that I am grateful. God is faithful and has proven himself over and over. The least I can do is trust him. God knows what I need more than I do. In my commitment to trust him, I am making a list of what we need when we move. I am committing these things to God:

Jobs

that we love
that allow us to serve God and fulfill his calling on our lives
that allow us to provide for our needs

A nice and affordable place to live
Friends
A great church
Courage

"Cutting" the Cake!

2011-07-06T12:19:00.000-05:00

*Suzannah Driver Photography

"Cutting" our cake- a giant whoopie pie!!

A Wedding Details Picture Post!!

2011-07-05T17:57:00.002-05:00

**All pictures by Suzannah Driver Photography


Rings on my bouquet


All the girls shoes


My wedding cake!!!

Throwing the bouquet

All the girls' bouquets


Our shoes again, except with my silver "get-away outfit" heels


The cake- whoopie pies!


Mason Jars

I Got Hitched!

2011-06-02T12:41:00.000-05:00

That's Life

2011-05-09T09:17:00.000-05:00

Oh my word, the last several weeks have been so hectic, emotional, and hard! Last week was especially tough as school, wedding planning, and moving all intersected. School, no doubt, has taken a back seat to everything else, and Micah and I are just trying to keep our heads above water long enough to be done for the semester. He has two more papers. I have 2 big papers and a project. Hopefully we can finish up everything this week (we only have until next week to turn things in), but now Micah is sick. He really doesn't need to miss any work since he has to take off for the wedding, but it's looking like he will miss another day of work tomorrow. In addition to that, right now he is in IN getting his stuff to move it into our new home. This has been the most stressful move I have ever been a part of. It seems like nothing has worked in our favor. Everything has been more difficult and taken more time than it should have. We are/have been emotionally and spiritually depleted. Admittedly, that is our fault and not God's.

My relationship with God has been on the backburner for a couple of months, if I'm being honest. It has been so hard to keep all my stuff in harmony, and lots of times it is easier for me to run and hide than it is to ask for help, whether from God or from friends. Well, I can't hide anymore. The last couple weeks have been awful. Micah and I have argued, we have been sick and tired, down and out. The stress and traveling and moving and school and him working have worn us out. But you know what? All that amounts to is wasted time spent worrying and arguing over stuff that isn't worth worrying and arguing about. Yes, it's hard to understand sometimes how finances work out. We have both been sick and exhausted. We have homework to do. We had a hard time finding a trailer to help us move. Gas is expensive. I am lonely. I miss home. We want to be done with school and move on from here. Etc, etc, etc.

Regardless, I will choose to be joyful and look to the Lord to supply my needs. I haven't been doing that. I have been worrying and fretting and trying to fix things. After one more thing was added to the list of frustrations last night, I had had enough. I laid in my bed and sobbed for a little while. In some ways, it felt good. In other ways, it felt so lonely and defeating. Trying to process my feelings, I realized that Micah and I are under spiritual attack. Does that mean I think Satan caused all the crazy stuff to happen that has happened in the past week (and that I haven't mentioned here)? No. But I do think he is trying to influence our reactions to everything that has happened. He is trying to steal our joy, make us doubt, and drive us apart from God and each other. I refuse to be beaten down! I refuse to lay in my bed and cry alone. I will reach out like I did last night. I will find things that make me happy, and I will turn my gaze to God. I will encourage Micah and be the positive and prayerful one when he is too sick and tired to do anything but be sick and tired (like he is today).

Lord, we are struggling, but you see us. You see our frustrations and fears. None of this has caught you off guard. Lord, you know our hearts. We want to serve you and serve each other. We want our faith to grow so that we aren't so easily dejected when life throws us curve balls. Lord, none of this is THAT big of a deal. You are more than enough for us. I pray that we feel that and believe that today. Lord, we are not alone. You have had your hand of protection over us and over our relationship. Lord, you provide rest and peace just when we think we can't take anymore. You are good. Even if you never did another thing for us, you are still good because you are God. The prayer of my heart today is "Lord, blessed be your name." Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say blessed be the name of the Lord! Blessed be your glorious name! You give and take away, but my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name! Lord give us the strength and the courage to finish this semester well and to enter into marriage with our hearts and our eyes fully on you. Thank you for all the things you have blessed us with: a new couch and chair and the furniture we already had, family who loves and supports us, understanding professors, an environment where your Spirit is constantly at work. Thank you for Micah and our relationship. Thank you for leading and guiding us through the difficulties of two learning to become one as we get closer to our wedding. Thank you for your protection and grace. Your mercies are new each morning and I praise you, Lord! I love you, Lord! In your name I pray, Amen.

Let's try this again...

2011-04-17T23:54:00.000-05:00

I am not a consistent blogger, this we know. I thought maybe this semester I would blog often with updates about the wedding or about engaged life. Alas, I just have not had the energy or the want-to.

I have had a really hard time being excited about everything- being engaged, getting married, making a home with Micah. This really began to wear on me after a while and made me depressed. I had 2 bridal showers while at home for spring break, but I struggled to be present and enjoy what was happening. It really has felt like life has been moving around me while I just watch and miss out on the action. In reality, it has been the feeling of fun and enjoyment I've been missing out on. I was asked so many times while I was home if I was "getting excited." My reaction was always to say, "Yes of course!" I realized later that was a lie.

I haven't been excited. Not even a little. I have been consumed with worry. I have wondered how we are going to pay bills, if/where/when we are going to find jobs after we graduate, where we are going to live, and on and on and on. This makes me have a bad attitude and resent Micah (resent him for what, I'm not sure). Then, I don't act very nice to him and push him away. I was so confused because I love Micah and want to marry him. I know God has called us together. Of that, I have no doubt. So why do I get so worried about stuff and in turn take my anxieties, fears, and frustrations out on Micah? Easy. I don't trust God.

Ok, so that wasn't any easy conclusion to come to and it took me a few months. But I've realized that my relationship with Micah mirrors my relationship with God. If I am pushing God away, distrusting that he has my best interest in mind and that he loves me, I tend to act the same way towards Micah. It's not that Micah is God to me, or a god/idol to me. I think it's that God has pulled me closer to Him by revealing things about Himself through Micah. I understand God's love more fully because of Micah. I understand what it means to love myself and be proud of who I am because of Micah's love for me. But, I digress.

So, I realized I had been pushing both God and Micah away, and I finally heard God say (not audibly) "You don't trust me." As of late, I have been absolutely consumed with worry about finances, complete with physical symptoms- headache, fatigue, upset stomach. It zapped the joy right out of me. I couldn't enjoy my showers because I was either worried about what people thought about what I had on or about how much stuff we would still need to buy after the wedding. I couldn't look forward to a honeymoon because I knew we didn't have money for one right now. Money and the lack of it was all I could think about. I confessed this to God and confessed that I haven't been trusting him. I confessed that I haven't been honoring Micah because worrying so much makes me cranky. And I asked God to help me enjoy this time.

I really don't want to miss out on the excitement of being engaged, getting married, and setting up home. I want to enjoy every second I can. I want to love and appreciate Micah regardless of my mood. I want to relax and breathe and laugh and be excited. I prayed that God would help me be excited. I prayed that he would show me how to love Micah and that he would help me show that to Micah, as I am not a very affectionate person. I can't say that my worry is 100% gone because I still feel that tightness in my chest that comes when I'm anxious. But, I am trusting God, and now I feel excited about the future. God even showed me some ways to show Micah how much I love him today. What a blessing!

I had a long conversation with God only a night or two ago, and I am already seeing him answer prayers. I am thankful that he has shown me how to pray his will. It is God's will that I show Micah how much I love him (Micah) and that I enjoy the blessings God gives me. It is God's will that I celebrate coming together with a godly man so that we may bring glory to God together. I know these are things God wants for me. I know they are things he has already said "yes" to. The jobs, the house, the location, the money- those things will come in God's timing and in his way. But, I know God will provide. He WILL provide. We are okay now. We will be okay this summer. We will be okay in January when we need jobs and a new place to live. God will provide, as he always does in his own way and timing. My job is not to worry or control, but to trust. I pray I finally learn this lesson for good.

A (late) Valentine's Post

2011-02-17T09:30:00.000-06:00

Valentine's Day this year was very low key, but fun! Micah and I went out last Friday for pizza and he gave me my present- a moose pillow pet! It's super cute.

On Monday he surprised me by having flowers outside my door when I woke up.

They're so pretty and have plenty of purple flowers! All my lilies have bloomed since I took the picture.

I made dinner Valentine's night, and then we dipped strawberries in chocolate. So yummy!! It was a good day :).

**

In other news, the semester is in full swing, hence my lack of posts. There is so much homework to do, in addition to my personal devotion time and trying to exercise each day. I found out last week that my cholesterol is really high, so I'm having to change my diet and start exercising. I am doing pretty well with it, at least for me. I have cut out a lot of junk, and I have worked out 3 times since Saturday. Hopefully I will get in a routine of working out each day for at least 30 minutes.

I suppose that is all from the great commonwealth of Kentucky. Until next time...

Pray, pray, pray

2011-02-08T22:14:00.000-06:00

Please keep praying for Kate McRae. She had a PET scan today and the preliminary results say she does have cancer again. Please pray that God will heal her sweet 7-year-old body. Pray for wisdom for her parents and doctors. And pray that God would be glorified! Click the link above for her caringbridge journal and here for her dad's blog. And pray, pray, pray!!!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." -Ephesians 3:20-21

Back to The Tucky...

2011-02-03T23:41:00.000-06:00

I am back at school. I got a lot of wedding stuff accomplished at my parents'. Today I registered at a local store and mom found a caterer! We also picked out the invitations. So looking at my list, I can cross off the following:

My dress!
Bridesmaids dresses
Flowers
Invitations
Caterer
Photographer

So what's left?

figuring out the reception site
getting the blue mason jars for centerpieces
a few other odds and ends

Of course when I say things are done, I mean they are picked out and/or bought but not necessarily in my possession. And we still have to schedule the date for engagement pictures. BUT, my dress is almost done!!! I CAN'T WAIT to see it and try it on!!!!

Prayers Please

2011-02-02T23:45:00.000-06:00

As anyone who lives in my family's town knows, a little girl named Korley died today. She was the niece of one of my friends. Korley was waiting on a lung transplant. Please pray for her family.

Another little girl who I only know about through the blog world found out yesterday that her brain tumor has come back. Kate is only 6 years old. She was diagnosed a year and a half ago and was recently doing well. No, I don't know her, and I can't even begin to imagine the devastation her family is feeling. But, I can pray for her...we can pray for her. From the blog:

"We are crushed. Kate is heartbroken. And we need God's miraculous intervention. Please pray. Please ask others to pray for our sweet baby. I know she is one child among many battling. But she is our daughter, and she is a sister, and a niece, and a granddaugther. Please pray that God would spare her from this disease. Please."

So I ask that you please, please pray for Kate.

Thanks.

What I Want to be When I Grow Up

2011-02-01T23:20:00.000-06:00

As anyone who knows me or has at least read my blogger profile knows, I am studying to get a master's degree in Youth Ministry. I can't even begin to list the ways that this program has transformed my life, not to mention how I understand my calling, but that's beside the point for now. It's easy, in the day-to-day, year-to-year journey to get caught up in the busyness and lose focus. It's easy to forget why I have a heart for youth ministry and the ways I think God wants to use me. Yes, I can tell you that I want to work with girls and young women on women's issues but sometimes I forget why.

And then I do an internet search on an author that leads me to some "leaders" in youth ministry, people that I heard speak back in the days when I was in youth group. People that made me roll my eyes then and make me roll my eyes now. And in that eye rolling I was reminded of my call and why there is such a desire in me to serve youth- I want to do things differently. I remember having so many questions, concerns, and complaints about the way things were done when I was in a youth group, but I didn't know how to put them into words. And I certainly didn't have any solutions. Now that I'm older and studying what it means to do youth ministry and to live my life as a ministry, I can articulate what was wrong and how to do things differently. There needs to be more love. There needs to be mentoring. Kids don't need gimmicks and more entertainment. It leads to shallow or non-existent faith. They need real spiritual food just like adults do. They need to be shepherded and discipled. Leave your scare tactics and guilt trips at home. Those may be good for momentary decisions, but they don't lead to lasting change and spiritual formation.

Honestly, I look back and wonder why we went to all the events/conferences we went to. Oh, I know they were fun, and we would have greatly protested had our youth pastor not taken us, but for all the money and time spent what spiritual fruit was produced? It is more important that we build genuine relationships with youth than to entertain them. They are God's beloved entrusted to us to wisely guide, mentor, and love. We must be examples. We have to live the same life we are asking them to embrace. We have to model love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Who cares if you are a great speaker or you have the best band or you wear the coolest clothes or you have all sorts of game systems and high-tech stuff to keep your youth entertained? That stuff doesn't matter! What matters are the relationships you build and the love you share. That's it. Without those relationships, without love and a foundation of trust, you'll lose them every time. Once they're out of youth group, odds are against them staying in church and continuing to grow spiritually. But strong relationships with adults, besides relationships with their parents, greatly increase the odds that they will stay in church and not abandon their faith.

We can't afford to be anything less than spirit-filled mentors and leaders. The question is, do we care? Do we care enough to completely abandon everything but God's call on our lives? Do we care enough to let go of our bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness so that we can live a life of over flowing love and grace? Do we care enough about people old and young, believers or otherwise, to live a life that will most assuredly be marked with suffering, and yet still have joy and peace in our hearts? Do we care enough to become spiritual adults so that we can have wisdom and discernment? Or would we much rather just throw them into the world and hope they sort it out for themselves?

I ask all of that to myself as much as to anyone else. It serves as a challenge to me. I need to continue to grow and mature in Christ. I can't ever stop. I can never stop. Ever.

Lord, make me more like you. May my life be of service to you and for you. May I never stop hungering for you. May I never stop pursuing you. Lord, give me the strength to persevere til the end! In your name...Amen.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.- Matt. 5:6

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. - Hebrews 12:1

Be Present

2011-01-31T23:36:00.000-06:00

I don't necessarily handle moving on from friendships well. I mean, it's easy to go about life as normal and be busy. It's easy to have a life apart from a person once they're gone, but the emotions and hurt feelings linger. Their absence leaves a hole that no one else can really fill. People are unique, and I don't think anyone is replaceable. Sure, new friends always come along, but it's not the same. That's not always bad, I guess. In my life I have most mourned the loss of probably two friendships. Our life paths diverged in more than just physical distance.

Now, another friendship as I have known it is over. I can see in a lot of ways where I have changed that causes my friend and me to not have much in common. Our attitudes, worldviews, and general perspective on life are completely different. I've realized that the foundation for a true friendship was never really built. It's a different kind of loss than a death or a breakup, but it's a loss none the less and one I will grieve.

I'm not sure the point of this post. Perhaps I'm just thinking about friendship. Perhaps I'm feeling the loss of many things in my life as so many things are changing. I think it's probably both. I still miss my friends. I wonder if in some way I will always miss them. Maybe I just need to focus more on the present and future and stop looking behind me so much. Yes, that's probably it. It's good to appreciate the people God has placed in our lives, but often times people are only there for a season. This is a very hard thing for me to accept, but unfortunately, it's life.

God is gently calling me to be present and live fully in the time and place he has put me. Breathe life in. Enjoy it. Feel, smell, taste, see, and hear it. Believe, trust, and hope. Love. See the opportunities all around to serve Him and show his love. Be present.

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.- Psalm 34:8

Sweet Lorelai

2011-01-31T20:58:00.000-06:00

I spent my afternoon and evening with my favorite little girl (and her mama, but I don't have a picture of her). She is so cute I can hardly stand it! Thank goodness I'm related to her!

Just some thoughts

2011-01-30T23:31:00.000-06:00

I love hymns. Love them. No "praise and worship" song speaks to me like a hymn. I love that hymns are old and have been sung my millions of people long before me. I feel connected not just to Whom I'm singing, but to other believers across miles and generations. I don't know how to explain it. I sing hymns a lot in my head or just going through my day. Sometimes I sing them in the shower, like I did tonight. Lately, I have felt the Spirit teaching me to have a quiet soul, one that is at peace regardless of circumstances and is slow to anger. I don't want to get flustered every time something doesn't go my way. I was reflecting on this tonight while taking a shower and "It is Well with My Soul" naturally came to mind. I began singing the lyrics and comparing them to one of my favorite songs, "All Will Be Well" by Gabe Dixon Band. It IS well versus it WILL BE well. And I realized, I have been living in the "it will be well" instead of "it is well" frame of mind. I think, someday things will work out. Someday, I'll be better at this and not struggle with that. Someday everything will be the way God intended. Someday. But as a Christian, my joy and my peace can come now. Certainly, my Peace and my Joy are present now. I simply must choose to abide in Him, trust in Him, and choose only Him- even when people are jerks, even when money is tight, even when Micah and I argue, even when I'm having a low self-esteem day. I want to be the kind of person who can honestly say, "It is well with my soul!"

I can easily list off my struggles and my personality flaws. I can tell you all the ways I disappoint people and how I sin. Often it's easy to get caught up in all of that. It's easy to wallow in my own disappointment, shame, and self-pity. And when I wallow, I ignore God. I ignore all the affirmation he gives me, the encouraging words he speaks to me, and sometimes the rebukes he gives me. Ignoring God makes it harder to hear his voice the next time. But I digress...

To be a person who can say "It is well!" no matter the circumstance, who can have complete faith and peace in her heart, I have to accept who I am in Christ. I have to accept that I am loved, chosen, protected, valued, bought at a very high price, capable, wanted, called, beautiful, intelligent, and the list goes on. When I know this, believe it, accept it...and live it, then it will be well with my soul. Things are not well with my soul because I have chosen to not trust God. Things aren't well with my soul because I have a long way to go in my journey with Christ. Things aren't well because I'm too spiritually immature.

So here I am. I'm standing on the precipice of the next level in my knowing Christ. Getting ready to take the plunge (in a lot of different ways) and see where I land. There are so many unknowns in my immediate future. Add that to all the normal daily stuff like dealing with people and tackling school, and I just have a craving to know God more so that I can do things well in a way that glorifies Him. I want to please him. I want to be more mature. I want to be strong and steadfast, calm and at peace. I want to love passionately and selflessly. I want to know the Bible- not just memorize it but live it. I want to sing of love, brokenness, hope, and redemption. I want to not be afraid to sing. I want to be bold, confident, and secure in Him. I want to be radical as Jesus was radical, in love, grace, and mercy.

Lord, hear my prayer. Send your Spirit. Fill me with your love, fill me with your presence. Lord, I pray people would come to know you through your work in me. I pray that any attention or glory that comes from anything I do gets turned to you. I pray that I would be so consumed by your love, grace, and mercy that I can't help but pour it into other people. I pray that when people look at me that they don't see me, that they don't see clothes, or hair, or whatever else. I pray that they see you. I pray that they see joy and love. I pray that they feel safe and accepted around me. Lord, open my heart! Open my mind! Help me be a person who doesn't judge! Help me to see people as individuals created in YOUR image. Lord help me see You when I see them. Give me your heart for people. Guide my steps and show me what I need to know when I need to know it. Help me to trust in you always, even when I may not hear you or when I can't see the way. Help me to be quick to listen and slow to anger. Lord, open my ears! Help me to really hear people. Give me discernment, Lord.

Lord, I love you! Thank you for blessing me every single day. Thank you for the opportunity to spend years of my life studying about you and letting you form me. Thank you for Micah and for my family. Thank you for your patience and guidance, mercy and grace. Thank you for not giving up on me!! Thank you for seeing me as something worthy to be loved and used. Thank you for sending your Son to die so that I and all other people could live. Lord, show me how to take your Word to them. Let me hear, let me see, let me do. I trust you, Lord. I trust you! Move in me, God. Change me. Break me. I know you will never leave me. You won't forsake me. You are truth. You are love. I can do all things in Your strength. Lord, thank you for all the details you created just so that we could enjoy them and know you more- thank you for the beautiful weather, for a wonderful blue sky, and the chance to go outside without a jacket. Thank you for wonderful friends who love me and look after me. Thank you for parents who want me to be happy. Thank you for a home. You are my provider and Lord, you are faithful. I have never done without. Thank you, Lord. May I bring glory to you all my days and may my marriage with Micah be one that glorifies you! Bless our marriage, Lord. We love you, Lord. You are holy. You are worthy. You are mighty. I love you! In Jesus name...

Ooops!

2011-01-30T15:20:00.000-06:00

So much for blogging every day...

Yesterday I went bridesmaids dress shopping for my wedding! All 4 girls went with my mom and me! The place we went was crazy, but we got what we wanted and then had a great lunch at Chef's Market. It was a great and productive day, and I crashed when I got home.

Today was church with the family. The Baroni's led a few songs and David preached. It was a really good service. I was able to quiet my mind and soul enough to hear God and not be distracted by things going on around me.

Tonight is church again for the fam, but I'm not sure I will go. Their service is different on Sunday nights and much further from my comfort zone. I do, however, plan to dye my hair tonight- a red color, as I usually do when I wanna mix things up, but this time more vibrant.

I need to get lots of wedding stuff done before I head back to school at the end of this week, and I want to find me a spring dress or two to have on hand for bridal showers and/or my engagement pictures. I got a really cute one yesterday at a store here in town, and I can't wait to wear it!

Well...I have no picture for today. I'm really bad at remembering to take pictures but maybe my hair will turn out nicely and I'll show it. We shall see.

Day 3!

2011-01-28T18:33:00.000-06:00

Today I wrote a nine page paper (before noon!) and made some no-bake oatmeal cookies. I'm home alone tonight which means I'm eating way too many cookies and watching HGTV. I really need to read a book for school. We'll see.

Tomorrow we are going bridesmaid dress shopping. I can't wait!

What I'm Doing (Picture Day 2!)

2011-01-27T20:28:00.000-06:00

So this is what the bed around me looks like- 2 books for school, my devotional and Bible, my premarital counseling book, and my wedding planning book.

I need to write a paper, but I'm still so sleepy from the nausea med I took yesterday. Luckily, I am feeling great except for being tired.

Well, I'm off to watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion. Good times!

1

2011-01-26T09:24:00.000-06:00

So recovery for getting my wisdom tooth cut out hasn't been so bad. And, insurance paid for the procedure. What a blessing! I spent Monday and Tuesday mostly sleeping. My face was a little swollen, but it wasn't bad at all. I kept up on my pain meds so I didn't feel any horrible discomfort. I didn't sleep well last night so I look especially rough today. So I figured it's a great day to start posting a picture a day! Enjoy!

After the wisdom tooth is gone...

2011-01-24T21:10:00.000-06:00

Everything went well, except that I threw up when I got home. I have slept most of the day, and now I'm eating a milkshake. I have no picture today because 1) I am tired and 2) I am not too swollen...at least not yet. Maybe I will have a picture or 2 tomorrow.

Wedding Planning and 365

2011-01-23T20:27:00.000-06:00

Wedding planning is in full swing! We have the photographer booked, and we know who we are using for the caterer. My wedding is going to be very "do it yourself," or as many people keep telling me "country chic." I am planning on hand-making all the center pieces for the reception (coffee filter flowers and button bouquets), yarn balls for people throw at us as we are leaving, and possibly mine and the bridesmaids bouquets (out of buttons!). We are using blue mason jars in the center pieces as well. Oh...my aunt is making my wedding dress, my cousin is making my cake (we're only having a tier for Micah and me to cut in to) and some other stuff. I am at my parents' for the next couple weeks, so hopefully we can get a lot of stuff done! I also need to pick out the fabric for the tables. We're going to use white tablecloths but use patterned fabric on top of the tablecloths. Each table will be different but the colors in the patterns will coordinate. A little more than 4 months and the big day will be here. I am SO thrilled and cannot wait to be Micah's wife!

On to other things...I changed up the look of the blog again. And, I'm going to try to post every day. So, I'm stealing an idea I've seen on other blogs where you commit to post a picture a day for 365 days. I don't have much to share today, but stay tuned for tomorrow's picture. It will be me in the aftermath of having my sole wisdom tooth cut out. Until then...

The Proposal!

2010-12-13T13:06:00.000-06:00

As most people know by now, Micah and I are engaged! He proposed on his birthday, December 7th. We had spent the evening celebrating his birthday at Texas Roadhouse (his favorite). When we got back to his dorm he suggested that we go to the prayer room downstairs and pray together. Considering we hadn't taken the time to pray together or share what God is teaching us in a good while, I thought this was a good idea. When we were about to pray, Micah said "Before we pray..." and then got down on one knee. To say I was taken off guard is an understatement. The ring box was closed so I thought he was kidding. I just assumed there wasn't a ring in the box. I kept asking if he was joking. This frustrated him until he finally said, "Would you shut up and let me propose to you?!?" At that point I realized he was serious and let him say everything he planned to say. I hugged him and kissed him and then realized I hadn't said yes or even seen the ring yet. So I said "Oh wait I guess I better say yes and put the ring on!" So I did and we spent a few minutes together before we started calling and texting people. When I got back to my dorm, I flashed my ring as I walked in and the girls SCREAMED and were so excited for us. The rest of the evening people came in and out of my room hugging me, squealing, and telling me congratulations. It was really fun. I don't have any pictures from the evening except the one that is my facebook profile picture. We have set the date for May 28, 2011, and I am hoping for a smallish wedding. We are so excited, and I am so blessed to have a man like Micah. He is nothing I would have been able to choose for myself but everything I need and want. God has done so much in our lives, individually and together, in the little over a year we have been together. I am grateful!

PS- I love my ring!

I am bad blogger

2010-11-13T15:20:00.000-06:00

I should really give up just having a blog. I really do have lots to share. So much has been going on in my life, but I don't really want to share it all here...yet.

I do have some prayer requests. I seriously need a job- one that will work around my school and church schedule. There is some school stuff that needs to get worked out- I am doing my internship at a local church, but probably won't be able to do my last semester there. I'd love to get a summer internship with a para-church ministry in Lexington. If that's even possible, I have no idea. I have been doing some research but haven't come up with anything. If it was a paid internship, that'd be even better. My last request I can't share in detail here. I am praying for unity and for God's will to be done, regardless of how things turn out...even though I do have an opinion of how I want things to turn out. Either way I'm fine...as long as I know that the people involved are unified and listening to the Lord. Thanks for praying!

Sorry this has been such a lame post. Things should be much more interesting and exciting in the months to come...

Tension

2010-10-08T08:40:00.000-05:00

Oh my word, does anyone else get stress headaches and muscle aches? I had a headache earlier this week, and the rest of the time my neck and shoulders have been so sore and tight. Gee whiz it's uncomfortable. I've been getting stressed about trying to figure out classes for my last 2 semesters here and trying to decide which classes I want to take. There's not much available for Spring semester, which is a bummer.

Moving on...Micah and I are doing well. We have begun spending time each week in prayer and sharing what we have learned in our quiet times throughout the week. We have already grown a lot from when we started. Praying together and completely opening up to each other has been so...awkward. It's much better now than it was at first since trust and understanding have developed. We really love our pastor and his wife (who are actually long-time family friends- the pastor baptized me when I was about 10 or 11). They give great advice, and they are great listeners. Micah and I have no idea what we are doing as the relationship becomes more serious, so getting advice from a wise and godly couple is such a blessing. They speak so much truth and encouragement into our lives. I kinda wonder how Micah and I made it this far without that kind of support.

Well...I need to start my day. Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

Presto Change-o

2010-10-04T19:34:00.000-05:00

I've changed the look of my blog again and my title as I move into a new season in my relationship with Christ. My typical prayer now is that God would guide my steps. I am thankful that he promises to never leave me and that as my shepherd he will lead me as long as I will follow. If I stray or somehow lose my way, he will find me. If I am in trouble, he will rescue me.

I hope my blog will be a place of encouragement to others that points them towards Christ. Everything that God has offered and given to me is available to you. I by no means have things figured out. I am constantly being convicted and called to a higher way of thinking and doing. But I do know this: God loves every one of us. God specially made each one of us and cares to have a relationship with us. Grace, peace, mercy, redemption, restoration, healing, love...all these things are available to anyone through Christ!

As I walk the rest of this Seminary road and seem to begin what feels like the "rest of my life," my prayer is this: "Lead me, Lord. I will follow."

Daddy

2010-09-22T11:31:00.000-05:00

Last night, probably for the first time, I experienced God as "Daddy." I've had no problem seeing God as Father. It's more formal and a bit more distant. My relationship with my daddy (Eddie) is a worn-in relationship full of trust and mutual love. Relating to God in that way seemed impossible to me, though it was never something I worried about. Last night, I was spending time in my room seeking quiet and solitude when I began to talk to God. I talked to him like I talk to my dad when something is wrong or when I just need someone to listen to me. I began crying, hard. As I cried and talked, I felt God's loving presence around me. I felt my daddy. My mind took me back to the image of me crying in bed several years ago while my dad sat beside me patting my back. Though I was heartbroken at the time, it was a special moment for me and the epitome of a wonderful daddy/daughter relationship. Last night, I had that same experience with God. He became Daddy. I told him how I was feeling, and I felt him listening and wrapping me with his presence. It felt like I was talking to someone sitting right in front of me. He let me cry and talk as He listened. It was so bizarre (in a good way). All I know is that He was there. He let me be. He didn't reprimand or judge me. He didn't try to give advice. He was just there.

I often get caught up in what God is trying to say to me or teach me. I assume that there is always something to be actively learned and changed. And while that may be true, there are times when God just wants us to be. He wants us to rest in the fact that we are His beloved children. And, I think there are times when he just wants to be Daddy- not disciplinarian, not therapist, not the one with all the answers. Just Daddy. I am thankful for a God who loves me as his beloved daughter and lets me call him Daddy.

Giving thanks and a prayer

2010-08-26T01:41:00.000-05:00

This early morning I am thankful for God's faithfulness, his peace in the midst of a storm, his comfort in the midst of sorrow. I am thankful for the grace that covers me every day for no reason except that he loves me and chooses to give it to me. I am thankful for my salvation, redemption, and hope that come through the cross. Praying for those struggling or suffering loss right now, that they would feel God's presence and that his peace would reign in their lives. Amen.

Titles are the hardest part

2010-08-05T21:57:00.000-05:00

Sitting in my new room in Kentucky. I have no roommate, which works well for me. I enjoy solitude. I am only here for a visit seeing friends and Micah. I was afraid I wouldn't be excited to come back to school this semester. Being back confirms that. I am happy to see everyone, but I don't look forward to living in the dorm again. I'm not looking forward to classes, and at this moment it's hard to imagine I will be here for another year and a half. I am itching to get away somewhere and start a life. I knew at the end of last semester I was ready to be done for a while. I'm starting to feel like I'm ready to be done forever. I know this is a transition period for me. God has done a lot in my life while in Kentucky and a lot over the summer. Now I feel like I'm waiting for the next move. I am not wishing my time away and fully plan to use my time wisely to get assignments done, hang out with different people, and get involved in church. I am looking forward to diving in to life here. I know I need to start a life here, and not just wait for a "new" life to begin. I want to do that. I feel like I live in a bubble here. I don't think it's realistic or constructive. I live on campus to save money and avoid living with a person I wind up not being able to stand. It's nice to have space. It's hard to find that here. I need friends that don't go to school here. I wish Micah and I weren't so involved in each others' lives. The nature of both of us living on campus means everything intersects, even when we don't want it to. So, we have nothing to talk about when we're on campus. We already know.

I love my classes and teachers...I just HATE that seminary is my life when I'm here. It shouldn't be. That's not REAL life. It's stupid. I don't care about your business or your clique of friends. GROW UP! Are you people just in seminary to avoid the real world or because you can't get another job and you think you have job security if you're a pastor?

Ok, rant over. I don't really know who I was talking to since no seminary people read this blog. I just needed to vent some frustrations. More stuff in my life for me to work on. Love, grace, and mercy. May the Lord give me more of those.

When It's Time to Change, You've Got to Rearrange

2010-07-27T18:45:00.000-05:00

Well, I am finally motivated to clean and organize my room and closet. I bought some storage containers today- one that I am going to use for jewelry and the other(s) for all the miscellaneous junk that accumulates in/on my desk. I am looking forward to getting the room and closet here de-cluttered and getting everything in place in my new room at school. Tomorrow will hopefully be my intense day of cleaning, but I plan on getting some stuff done tonight starting with organizing or getting rid of jewelry and organizing all my "bath stuff." i have a big 3-drawer storage cart that I am going to use for the bath stuff. I can get it all put away now and just remove the drawers and stack them in my car when it's time to move. I'm visiting Micah next week at school, so I plan on taking a load of stuff with me when I go since he will be there to help me move in. I can't wait to see him :).

Speaking of Micah...yesterday I got a letter and a cd (mixtape) in the mail from him. Real mail is always fun, especially when it's a surprise from the person you love. Plus, noone's ever sent me anything like that before.

I feel like the summer has slipped through my fingers, and it's making me kinda sad. I haven't hung out with friends as much as I'd hoped to since I have been trying to save money. I've bought some (needed) clothes. I say needed because I don't have much "nice" stuff (I mostly have t-shirts and slouchy jeans), and I've been trying to invest, little-by-little, in a more grown up wardrobe. I've made some great purchases lately without spending a ton of money, so I'm happy.

I'm looking forward to being very productive with the last part of my summer- cleaning, organizing, simplifying. I feel like God has been challenging me to be less consumeristic and to simplify my life in all areas. It's going to be a challenge, and I've experienced a wide range of emotions while discerning where he is leading me in this area. Part of it may just be guilt because Americans have so much more than most any other countries in the world. Part of it, though, is conviction. I'm excited about the ride God is taking me on. Sometimes it is hard, and sometimes it is so frustrating to get over one hurdle just to encounter another. But, I know it is part of the process of God making me more like Him. I'm thankful He has the patience to not let me stay where/how I am and to keep molding me and changing me, despite my bajillion hurts and hangups. He is patient until the end.

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."
- Philippians 1:6

Afternoon thoughts

2010-07-23T14:04:00.000-05:00

I spent last night reading over my previous blog entries to see where I've been and how far (or not) I've come. I can say that today my heart, mindset, and attitude are very different than they were a year ago. I still struggle with some of the same things, but I handle them differently. I still have days where I feel down, but now I always feel hope at the same time. I have more confidence in myself, more faith in the Lord, and I finally accept and feel like He loves me. Those are some pretty big steps on the path to becoming who God wants me to be. I wish I could share the vision I believe God has for me, but it's hard to translate in to words. I bet it wouldn't make sense to most people even if I could. I feel the Spirit at work in my life probably more than I ever have before. I finally understand and feel that I am not a hopeless case. I simply have to keep persevering, running the race, and following His lead to get where He wants me to be. It's not about me figuring things out or understanding everything. It's not about me having a map telling me exactly where I'm headed. It's not even about making sure I have people around to help me along the way. It is about fully trusting in God and surrending to Him, no matter what that might mean.

Perfectionism

2010-07-14T22:57:00.002-05:00

Do any of you struggle with perfectionism? For a long time I thought that I had worked past it because it wasn't so obvious. Lately, however, I've realized that I'm not past it, and it is a HUGE struggle. I am not type A in the sense that I am organized and insanely tidy BUT I have extremely high expectations for myself. Even when I say, "Oh it's ok I didn't do so well in this class," on the inside I'm thinking, "You're stupid. You're lazy. You're not as good as other people. You aren't smart. No one is going to like you. No one really likes you or loves you. They just think they do."

Today was one of those days. I was babysitting, and I just kept getting so frustrated (which isn't normal because the kids are great!). I dropped a spoon and splattered baby food on myself twice. I kinda messed up two bowls in the microwave. I couldn't get the baby to eat. Etc. But seriously, I dropped the stupid spoon TWICE?!? And it landed on my shorts TWICE?!? All I could think was, "Dangit Sara you are so stupid. You are a bad babysitter. Good babysitters never make a mess and always get the kid to eat." I'm aware that my thinking was completely irrational. Perfectionism is always irrational. Nothing and no one is ever perfect. I know this. So why do I feel such a need to be perfect? I was venting to Micah about my day and he said, "Man your self-esteem has really been low lately." And he's right. The last several weeks it has been the lowest I can remember. I've literally wanted to crawl under a table and hide. I don't look perfect (let's not talk about the weight I've gained, the dark circles always under my eyes, etc.), dress perfect (I hate shopping and feel so intimidated in stores), talk perfect (whether that means saying the right things or speaking at a normal pace), or walk perfect (I slump). I don't do school perfectly (I've made 2 C's...ridiculous and very unlike me!). I don't do relationships perfectly. I feel like a hopeless case, a huge mess, 116 pounds of ridiculousness. These things have been dominating my thoughts lately. No wonder my self-esteem is so low!

So back to my question...do you struggle with perfectionism? And/or do you have any biblical advice on the matter? I know I may seem like a big mess when I write here and I often feel like a big mess, but my life is not a mess. But, sometimes when God works to change us it's painful and messy. I am NOT a mess. I am NOT ugly, or fat, or stupid, or a hopeless case, or any other of the lies the devil would like me to believe. I am beautiful, I am loved, I am cared for and about, I am remembered, I am valued, and on and on. Sometimes it's important to say/write those things. Let them sink in. Maybe someday I will truly, deeply, and forever believe them. Have you ever heard phrases or whatnot about the devil "stealing your joy?" That's exactly how I feel. That makes me think of the song, "I went to the enemy's camp and I took back what he stole from me...he's under my feet, Satan is under my feet!" Maybe I should sing myself to sleep with that song...

Books and snacks!

2010-07-13T15:30:00.003-05:00

Right now I am reading Forgotten God: Reversing our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan. I am loving it! Coming from a background that doesn't usually neglect the Holy Spirit, I was attracted to the book and very interested to see what Chan had to say. I wondered if he leaned more one way than the other, since it seems that many people go to one extreme or the other when talking about the Holy Spirit. Chan seeks to simply use the Bible to give evidence to the Holy Spirit and the necessity of the Spirit in our lives. He addresses fear- fear that God won't show up if we pray for the Spirit to work in our lives and also the fear that God will show up and ask us to something uncomfortable. I definitely can identify with the latter. As I read and pondered what was written, I realized that I am more afraid of the Holy Spirit showing up than I am of God not showing up. I have been praying a lot lately for God to guide me and that His will to be done in my life, all the while saying at the same time, "I don't want your will if it includes speaking in tongues and admitting that I have a lot of pride and that I may be messing up some stuff in my life." Talking about hindering the Spirit! I am only through Chapter 2 of the book, but I am looking forward to reading the rest of it. I am also going to be praying and talking to my dad about my fear of the Spirit and speaking in tongues. Yes, I know there is NOTHING to be afraid of and that fear (other than the kind that means awe and amazement) is NOT from God. I know this. I know how silly I may seem. Regardless, it is where I am right now. It is NOT where I plan to stay! Moving on...

On facebook a few weeks ago I posted about making a frozen fruit salad. I figured I'd post the recipe here because I just got it out of the deep freezer again to eat a little bit. What's awesome about it is that you can put the salad in cupcake liners and freeze or freeze, cut, and then wrap in plastic wrap so that you have individual portions to easily grab all summer long as you want them! I got the recipe here. I made a few modifications. Since mom is allergic to strawberries, I added a bag of blueberries and a can of mandarin oranges instead. And for those that don't know, a #2 can is 20 oz. I got the smaller can of pineapple because I didn't know what a #2 can was at the time. The proportions of my version worked fine, and it turned out delicious!

FROZEN FRUIT SALAD
1 (8 oz.) cream cheese 3/4 c. sugar 1 lg. Cool Whip, thawed 2 (10 oz.) frozen strawberries, thawed 1 #2 crushed pineapple, drained 3 lg. bananas, sliced Cream cheese and sugar together. Combine fruits and Cool Whip. Add cream cheese mixture. Freeze! You may pour salad into cupcake papers, pretty and nice for luncheons.

I love to ramble at night

2010-06-18T00:22:00.003-05:00

It's late, and it's the quietest the house has been all day long. Not complainin', just sayin'. I've had a lot on my mind and (I suppose) a lot of thoughts I could blog, but I have gotten to a point where writing is more work than relaxing. Maybe it feels that way because I have to write so many papers for school. Maybe I have just become really lazy. Maybe both. I have a hard time writing even when I want to. Words don't flow as easily anymore. I type a sentence, re-word it, and then end up deleting it altogether. Before I know it, I've deleted paragraphs and the whole page is blank. I think I have gotten far too good at internalizing and just not talking about anything too personal. Even now I can feel myself shutting down, not wanting to share, not wanting to think, not wanting to have to deal with any feelings that may arise. Yet, I feel like I need to get things out. No, nothing bad is happening in my life nor am I working through a huge problem. I just feel a hole somewhere in my life, and I think it's from the loss of friends and truly sharing what's on my heart and being understood by a good friend. Moving on...

The other thing on my mind tonight is how scared I am of being in "women's" ministry. I am so afraid that I will get pegged as only being able to minister to women and that my gifts and talents can't be used on a broader scale. I know that makes no sense considering I feel called to work with women. What is there to be afraid of if that is where He is calling me? I feel called to love people in Christ and help them find their identities in Him. And by people I mean women. But why is it so hard for me to say I feel called to women's ministry? And how is it that I am called to women's ministry when 1) all my life most of my friends have been guys 2) I am not a girly girl at all 3) women get on my nerves. I don't see it as God trying to be funny or make my plans look stupid. I see it as him loving me so much to not let me stay in my comfort zone. I see it as his abundant grace that has put me on the path He has for me, rather than the one I might have set out for myself. I see it as his perfect provision. I won't lie, I still wonder how I will ever get to the point where I can be an effective "minister." I know technically seminary is preparing me for that, but I'm not talking about methods and programs. I'm talking about living, breathing, walking, talking my ministry in every facet of my life. All of me has to reflect Him. I know I will never be perfect until he makes me perfect, but I should always strive to please him. And honestly, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I just don't care. I make headway in some areas of my life (like being nicer to people) and then take what seems like 100 steps backward in other areas of my life (like being nicer to people...ha!). I still have a lot of work to do on myself, and so does God. I know he will keep up his end of the deal, and I must keep chipping away, little by little at the things he brings to my awareness that need to change or disappear completely. I am thankful that he doesn't lose focus like I do. I am thankful he wants me. I am thankful he sent his Son for us. I am thankful he loves me. I pray that I live that thankfulness and mutual love in my life each day and that there would be no doubt that his Spirit lives in me.

Still no witty idea for a title

2010-06-16T13:14:00.002-05:00

There's not too much going on with me. I watched Lorelai all day Monday. We had tons of fun! :) She is such a good baby, even when she doesn't feel well. The day flew by!

Micah has a big gash in his leg from a chain saw. Not a huge deal except that he probably needs stitches but didn't get it stitched up. That boy gets on my nerves when it comes to his health. He always puts things off. It worries me sometimes, but he's a grown-up. He can take care of himself. (We've officially been dating 7 months today!)

Speaking of men and their health, dad is having a tooth surgically removed today. It has been killing him for a while because his gums are receding and have left a nerve exposed. He went to have it pulled this morning at the regular dentist, but they decided he needed to go to the oral surgeon. So, prayers are appreciated for a quick and painless recovery!

That's about it from around here. Next week will be busy with VBS at my friend Liz's church. I'm doing the preschool story/lesson time. Hopefully it will be a great week!

I hate coming up with titles

2010-06-07T16:24:00.003-05:00

I have neglected this here blog. I think so much most of the time that writing on here feels like work sometimes. I also have been busy with school. Anyhoo...I am home at my parents' for the summer. So far it has been good and restful.

Micah is in Michigan working at a summer camp, and I miss him much more than I expected. It's crazy how much our relationship has evolved and deepened in a relatively short period of time. I never really thought I would find a person who loves me like he does, and I never thought I would love anyone like I love him. I don't mean the sappy, warm-fuzzy feelings love- I mean the kind of love where you love the whole person, not just the parts that make you feel warm and fuzzy. Our love for each other comes naturally, but that's not to say we don't put a lot of work or effort into the relationship. We had the luxury (or misfortune) to put a lot of our "junk" out in the open at the beginning. Getting to know each other and our junk- and then working through that junk- is/has not been easy. I have had major doubts along the way, but I have trusted God to guide my steps and reveal where this relationship needs to go and if it needs to end. He has been more than faithful, and this month marks 7 months since we started dating! :)

I am still processing my first year in seminary. I love being able to identify ways God has worked and is working in me. I had been sensing that he was leading me to minister not just to young women but women of all ages, and He has recently been confirming that. It worries me a bit to say that out loud (or in print) because I don't want to get pegged into the women's ministry role as if there were no other place for me. I believe women can be leaders in ministry, whether it be to women, children/youth, or whole congregations. I see such a need for women to find their identities in Christ and let go of pride, insecurity, and jealousy. I could write a whole post on this topic but that would take a long time. Moving on...

God is tirelessly working on me, and a lot of the time it hurts. He has changed me a lot, though it took a while for me to notice even the slightest thing. Now I can see how my mindset about many things has changed, how my thoughts have changed. I haven't just sat around waiting for change to happen. I have worked to let go of things that bring me down and do not build up the Church, i.e. gossip (including celebrity gossip). Gossip is hurtful and divisive, whether I know the person or not. I am trying to see people in the image of God, as God's prized creations, not as commodities to be consumed. I want to be love. I want to give love. My mom says she has noticed a (positive) difference in me. That compliment wasn't received as a source of pride but as encouragement to pursue God even more. It is relieving and motivating to know that God hasn't given up on me, nor will he ever.

As much as I hate the school aspect of Asbury, I am certain that it is where God wants me. He has thrown me into a place where I MUST deal with my crap, where I won't be let off the hook. He has surrounded me with people who love and challenge me. He has given me Micah. He has revealed his love for and to me. I am so thankful.

PS- I turned comments off because I kept getting spam. Feel free to leave a comment or message on Facebook.

Snapshots of my present life

2010-04-10T20:16:00.005-05:00

Me and Aunt Jo at Jacksonville Zoo

Me and my Mikey (Micah) at the zoo

I probably shouldn't tell you what is happening in this picture

Two Micah's equals twice the fun!!

Nathan (Micah's roommate) and Me not doing homework in the library

Sun!!

2010-03-04T15:24:00.003-06:00

Today is the first day we've seen sun in a while! I am so thankful!

Classes are going well, and I usually enjoy them. I am learning so much academically while being formed spiritually at the same time. It is a blessing to be able to learn, live, and grow all at once. I've been sifting through a lot of ideas and topics we've been discussing in class. This semester, like no other semester I've had in school (seminary or undergrad), everything is fitting together. Each class builds on the other. It's crazy because all my classes are so different. I have one class on Inductive Bible Study (IBS...ha!), another on Communicating the Gospel to Youth, one on Spiritual Warfare, one on Ethics, and finally Vocation of Ministry (which doesn't really fit in with the others, but that's another tale for another day). My personal theme or motto for this semester seems to be "God loves ME!" I don't know if any of you have ever had a hard time believing that God loves you and accepting his love, but I have always struggled with this.

Lately, I began to pray that I would learn to love people. "We should love people because they are made in the image of God"...that's what I learned in my Youth Ministry class. I told my roommate about my "goal" to love people and what had been said in class and she said, "The only way we love people is from God's love flowing through us. If we don't accept his love, we can't love people." She had no idea that already I had been dealing with the issue of accepting God's love for me. That's when it really hit me that I don't have a choice in accepting God's love if I truly believe him and want to carry out his will for my life. I guess in some way I thought I could get around truly accepting God's love. I thought I just had to believe God loved other people for me to be able to do His work and love people.

The next day in IBS, my professor was taking apart the passage where John baptizes Jesus and then God says, "This is my Son, with whom I am well pleased." Dr. Dongell pointed out that God is pleased with Jesus BEFORE he ever started his ministry. He went on to say that we often get involved in ministry to please God, but he's already pleased with us. We often pour into people when we are empty ourselves and not full of God. Then...he went off on a tangent (I'm certain the Spirit was present in class that day) about how we must be full of God's love to love others. He said, "We cannot generate love. We cannot manufacture love (for others). It has to come from God." He went on to say that it's God's love overflowing from us that allows us to love other people. I knew that message was meant for me.

Later that night in my spiritual warfare class, our prof was talking about overcoming habits and defeating the evil that attacks us and he said, "When we are full of the Lord, all that other stuff just kind of falls away." This statement hit me hard on several levels. One, it was just such a simple statement, yet SO true. Two, it reiterated that I have to be full of God in order to love others and live my life for him. Three, it reminded me that sometimes all I can do to help other people is to pray that God will be present in their lives, that they will fill themselves with Him and let everything else fall away.

I am so thankful that I was able to hear God speaking to me through all these different people. I am so, so thankful to be here. Every day is not good, but I am finally noticing some changes happening, all due to God's work in me. I am doing better at dealing with people. I am more fervent in my prayer time, and I finally feel like God is hearing me again. I am staying on top of my assignments, whether they be reading or papers. I have great friends here, friends that I will probably know forever. I have laughed until I cried and my sides hurt and I couldn't breathe; sang until I laughed and then cried and then couldn't breathe; ate some disgusting food; had some amazing, God inspired roommate time; and met a wonderful guy. God is good, and he loves ME!

Giveaway!

2010-02-19T08:56:00.003-06:00

Head over to my friend Patty's blog for her very first giveaway! She's giving away a copy of the new book Hear No Evil. Visit her blog to read a review and enter to win the book!!

First daaaaayyyy of spring semester!

2010-02-09T20:47:00.002-06:00

I can't believe it is already my second semester in seminary. I had 2 classes today, and both went well. Tomorrow I have class at 8:00 AM, 1:00 PM, AND 6:15 PM. LONG DAY! I'm not really worried about it though because tons of my friends are in my afternoon classes, as well as Micah. I am so thankful for him. He helps keep me calm and cheers me up if I'm having a rough day (like yesterday). We disagree and handle conflict very well. We usually need time to cool off, but after that we are able to talk things out semi-calmly and always respectfully. I care about him a lot, so I never want to be disrespectful, hateful, or mean...especially if we are having a disagreement. We are both stubborn and sometimes try to be selfish, but it's neat watching our individual walls come down and then seeing how we put the other person first because we care about each other and our relationship. He makes me very happy just by being himself. He is a blessing to me and I'm still so surprised and thankful that God has placed him in my life. I don't say all of that to be cheesy or mushy. I say it because it is the truth. :)

Bummed

2010-02-08T13:04:00.003-06:00

So, I won't be taking summer classes. I miscalculated how much this semester would cost and I lived off my leftover loan money last semester, so I won't have the money to take classes this summer. I am disappointed, to say the least. I don't want to be here for an extra semester. I don't want to have to take out extra loans. I feel so stupid for not figuring this out sooner and stupid for not saving my money. I won't be able to afford to live off campus next fall, either. That is a major let down. I misread info on tuition so everything is winding up costing more than I expected. I thought as long as you took no more than 24 hours, your tuition stayed the same. Well...I was wrong. You pay based on credit hour--which I knew...but I thought if you stayed within the hour limit, your bill didn't go up. So this semester my bill is around $2,000 or $3,000 more than last semester because I am taking 4 more hours. I'm really not sure what the deal is. I had originally signed up for an online class, but that class alone was over $1500 so I dropped it and picked up a class on campus instead. I am discouraged. Money is hard to come by right now for my family. Dad hasn't worked in over a month. They aren't doing without...people are taking care of them...but still. It's discouraging. Knowing that I have so much in loans already and now it's probably going to be even more just makes me want to cry. How am I ever going to pay all that back? I KNOW I did the right thing by coming here. I am not doubting God's call on my life. I am just really overwhelmed right now, and it's hard to see how it's all going to work out.

Hypoglycemic?

2010-02-05T23:14:00.002-06:00

I think I am hypoglycemic. I have a lot of the symptoms and it explains a lot- fatigue, rapid heartbeat, feeling hungry even when I know I shouldn't, irritability, sweating...and the headaches I have been getting a lot...oh and the time I passed out when I still lived with Amanda. I never really thought about it until I was describing how I felt to one of my friends who happens to be hypoglycemic. She said that's just how she feels. So, I will make a doctor appointment on Monday. Hopefully I can get this figured out.

Almost break time again...

2010-01-18T09:17:00.004-06:00

2 more days of class! Woohoo! I have on paper to write tonight and then a final. Thursday I am heading home and the bf is coming with me. I'm excited for him to meet Amanda...and hopefully Caleb, Rory, Karen, and Jay. We all know their opinions are SUPER important. If Rory and Caleb don't like Micah......in the words of Will, "We have some weally big pwoblems!" Haha.

I hope everyone has a great week!

Tragedy

2010-01-14T09:02:00.002-06:00

I'm sure you are aware of the earthquake that hit Haiti. It hits close to the Asbury Seminary campus because we have students and faculty who have family there. Some of our alumni are among the injured. This also breaks my heart because many children sponsored through Compassion International have been affected. Compassion has several child development centers in the area hit by the earthquake. They still have not received word about the centers and children.

If you would like to help with the earthquake relief, you can donate through an organization set up by Asbury student Berteau Eliassaint. You can also donate through Compassion's website. I know the good work Compassion does because I sponsor a little girl in Uganda. She writes me letters and tells me how my sponorship has bought her clothes, food, and even farm animals that her family can raise.

I would also like to mention a tragedy that occured in my hometown. A schoolmate of my sister's was shot and killed by her child's father early this week. She was only 26 years old. She had not lived an easy life, by any means, but she was always a very sweet girl. She was going back to school to be a teacher. Please keep her family and friends in your prayers. I don't want people to forget her.

A few notes...

2010-01-12T22:20:00.002-06:00

- What the heck Kiffin?
- I am thankful for a very good support system here at school who are good friends, even when I am in my introverted mode and go MIA.
- I am dating a great guy. He did a great job today of just being there because he knew I was having an off day (I'm still not sure why I feel so weird...). He tried to make me laugh and gave me hugs (which are good for cheering me up), and he prevented me from making a million impulse buys at Kroger when I went there on an empty stomach. Well, I'm not so sure that was a good thing because I still think I needed those Doritos. He did, however, let me buy the giant chocolate dipped cake donuts and icecream. I think he knew better than to mess with those. :)
- I am looking forward to the next few days and getting all my assignments done for my January class.
-I will be home on the 21st...yay!

Another post...wooooo

2010-01-11T20:50:00.003-06:00

Well, I am getting settled again at school for January term. It is this week and Mon-Thurs next week. I only go for 3 hours a day, so that isn't too bad.

I haven't written in a while because I have had so much going on in my head lately that I just haven't known where to start. As usual, God is at work in my life and I have a hard time adjusting to change and learning how to change. Change isn't easy, even when I know I need to change.

I realize that spiritual battle that goes on in me each day. I fight a spirit of defeat, lack of confidence, and fear. I am afraid of failure, which keeps me from doing many things. I've realized that Satan uses my introvertedness against me. He turns that time into too much self-reflection and over-analyzing that leave me too mentally exhausted and defeated that I just sit in my room. I avoid my friends and other people. I don't listen to music, I don't watch tv, I don't do homework. I do absolutely nothing. But like I said...change isn't easy. I'm not sad or overwhelmed. I'm just...blah.

Maybe I will update more in the coming days. I'll just see how I feel.

Christmastime is Here

2009-12-22T09:54:00.003-06:00

Finally an update. I bombed my one and only exam but still pulled out a C in the class. I didn't even cry. I have been home since last Friday and will be here until the 30th. On the 31st I am heading to Nebraska with my boyfriend (it's feels weird saying that) to visit some of his friends for New Years'. It should be fun...and snowy!! It will be the most snow I've ever seen probably.

My first semester at seminary went well and I have plans for next semester to be better. I may play on some intramural teams and I will definitely have specific time each day to spend on school work, rather than doing it all last minute.

God has been working in my life over the past several months in lots of different ways. I am not perfect and don't have things figured out by any stretch of the imagination, but I see many places where he is changing me. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that he chooses to use me, love me, and forgive me even when I make bad choices or say mean things or just sleep half of my days away.

I am enjoying my break and look forward to having more time off. I hope everyone has a great Christmas!!

On a break...

2009-12-05T16:35:00.001-06:00

I suppose I shall update again once the semester is over. Less than 2 weeks away!

2009-11-24T09:54:00.002-06:00

I am home. I've been here since Thursday. I am, of course, staying at my parents'. It is not my home, nor is Shelbyville. My home is Snyder Court or Sitting Bull Crossing. My home is Murfreesboro. Being in Shelbyville for an extended period of time is hard for me. I've stayed gone a lot so far, and tomorrow we leave for Gatlinburg. If I get a home (house or apt) in KY, my parents said they wouldn't move my furniture for me. Oh well...I know Richie will help me get the stuff to KY, and I have friends in KY who will help me move it in. I just want a home. I was excited for the holidays, but now not so much. Something about here feels cold and lonely. That could be for several reasons that have nothing to do with my family. Whatever the reason, being here depresses me. Don't tell my mom or she will yell at me and say I'm just trying to hurt her feelings.

On a happier note, it's been great seeing all my friends!! And of course, I've seen my favorite cousins except for CJB. I have stayed busy trying to see everyone.

I head back to school on Saturday from Gatlinburg. I'll be happy to be back and wrap up the semester. I have a lot to do!

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

Yawn

2009-11-14T14:17:00.002-06:00

I'm ready to graduate and/or move. Perhaps online classes would solve my predicament? Or maybe (and most likely) I just need a break.

God is Able

2009-11-12T12:02:00.002-06:00

This is from my friend Erika's blog:

Johnny Bare

April 1990. We moved in at 894 Irma Drive.
That's when I met the Bare family.
Jodi specifically. We are close in age.

So many memories.

Almost 20 years.

Johnny Bare is 57 years old. He recently retired early.
He & his wife, Barbara, sold their house of 30 years on Irma Court.
They moved to the Atlanta area. Roswell specifically.
Barbara's mom is 85 and in her final years. She wanted to help care for her.

With all their children grown, in stable marriages with stable jobs, their own lives, they packed up their life in Tennessee and moved 4 hours away.

John just bought a boat. He's always loved to fish.

He, his wife & sister in law/Barbara's sister, Patsy, took the boat out on the lake Sunday. November 8th. I wonder if they ever thought they'd retire and move away to GA. Enjoying their 'golden years' together.

After spending some time at the lake, they prepared to leave. John collapsed. Unconscious.

Several years back, I remember him having a brain tumor. It was inoperable.

John suffered a stroke that day. They found bleeding around his brain. He has paralysis on his right side, he's unable to speak & aspirates on liquid.

The doctor has said the damage is permanant.

John is aware of what is going on. He cried when the speech therapist tried to work with him. He cried when the doctor said the stroke was severe and the damage is permanant. He cried when his children came into the room.

He expected a new life. A life of relaxation, leisure. Whatever he wanted to do.

This whole situation makes me so sad.

Since being in the hospital, he's had an MRI showing the bleeding has stopped. He had some swelling as well but that has since stopped. He has experienced some discomfort. He is only able to take liquid tylenol at this time. He sleeps alot. His blood pressure has been unstable. They feel it could be from over-stimulation. He's also had a fever but that has stabilized.

I know when your parents are in such a situation, you feel like you have to be the strong one. They have 3 children. Jessica, Josh & Jodi. I know that they must be feeling overwhelmed. They must be wondering why they are going through this. I'm sure they're wondering where they go from here. How much of this is really permanant? What is life going to be like now?

I honestly don't see how people make it without the Lord. I'm so glad that this family has faith in God. They know where their help will come from. They know who to call on.

As long as there's breath, there's hope.

Miracle. John needs a miracle.

With God, ALL things are possible.

Stroke is just a word to God.

By His stripes, we ARE healed.

Everyone who's reading this & believes in miracles that only come from a mighty, merciful, amazing God - please pray for this family. Pray for healing, strength, comfort & peace. Pray for the medical staff caring for him. Pray that this situation can be a testimony to unbelievers. God is more than able.

I hate that train...

2009-11-05T23:57:00.002-06:00

There is a train that runs very close to our dorm. It's so loud. I really hate it.

In related news, I surely do not love living in the seminary bubble. It's a small school, so people assume that your business is their business. If you hang out with a member of the opposite sex, everyone assumes you like the person and/or that you are dating that person. Then they talk about it and come asking questions like they're your BFF. And then I snap on them. Yes. I let a girl have it and told her to stay out of my business. She still tries to invade my space and hug me and such. I am not a touch person. Seminary will be the death of me...or the person who keeps touching me.

Classes are going fine. I'm behind on reading, but I'll catch up sometime. I'm still not sure what path God is leading me down, as far as vocation. I'm having a hard time just "being" and waiting and trusting. I know what God has put in my heart, but I'm really confused and starting to get discouraged. This week has been kinda tough for me mentally and emotionally because of that. I feel out of place and a bit insecure. I will never be the quiet, sweet, pious woman that I feel pressured to be. I am not happy all the time. I rarely wear makeup and rarely wear anything besides jeans and a t-shirt. I am just myself, and I am so afraid that isn't good enough. I know, God made who I am and he wants to use me just as I am and all of that. I have tons of friends here who love me and tell me so ALL the time. I know all this. I'm just being human. I feel inadequate. I feel useless. I feel lonely. I feel like no one is ever going to want me. Will I ever feel any different? And if I can't get this all figured out, how in the world will I ever be able to minister to girls and young women?

Oh seminary

2009-10-25T23:51:00.002-05:00

I'm not doing so well at posting. Things get so busy...or really, things stay busy. I never get caught up. I actually have a social life...imagine that! This past week was tough with lots of midterm stuff due, but it all turned out okay. I only cried once...that's pretty good for me. I am still enjoying classes. I'm getting closer to the girls on my floor, and I'm making some really, really good friends. I still feel weird when I remember that I'm in Kentucky, but I'm not hating it as much right now. It's weird I wasn't home for Amy's birthday today. I just realized that I've never not gone to a birthday dinner for her...or mom and dad. I'm glad I didn't think of that earlier or I would have been sad all day. I don't go home again until the Thursday before Thanksgiving. I get an entire week off school, and I can't wait! Until then, I will read, study, sleep, and hang with my friends.

A little update

2009-10-15T18:29:00.003-05:00

Well...my weekend in TN was wonderful. I got to see everyone I wanted to see and got to spend some much needed time with my BCF Amanda. I think that made the whole weekend for me. I have been busy busy since getting back to school. Well...actually I've been hanging out a lot with friends and having a blast. The weekend at home renewed me so that I am able to truly enjoy being here in KY. I love my friends here. I haven't been getting my normal amount of sleep though because I've been pretty wired though I'm not sure why. I babysat tonight with one of my friends. It was nice to be around kids again. I miss my kids so much. This weekend is dedicated to homework. If it doesn't get done, I will fail. I have 2 big papers I need to do. I'm hoping to knock them out tomorrow. We'll see how it goes. I've been talking about writing them all week and still haven't started.

I hope things are going well for everyone. Until next time,

People drive me crazy

2009-10-04T17:08:00.001-05:00

Ummm.......I am happy I am getting out of Kentucky Thursday-Monday. So. Very. Happy.

I'll be fine after I vent...

2009-10-01T19:59:00.003-05:00

My stomach hurts. My head hurts. I got out earlier today for a trip to Target and Moe's in Lexington. I thought that would be a fun trip for me because I like doing that at home. First, the drive there was awful. The speed limit is 55 with red lights all down the highway and people decide to stop when they please, so you will be going full speed and have to slam on your breaks. I hate that. Next, their Target is so small! Not to mention being an opposite layout from my Target. I was so disappointed I almost cried. I went to Moe's and to cheer myself up I also went to Maggie Moos. There are some times that I really don't want to be here. Don't get me wrong, I love school. I love my classes and my friends. But I miss my Target, and my Publix, and my CVS, and my kitchen. I And I miss my friends. And Mboro. And my Rory. I miss my life. I miss working. I want to stay in school here...I just hate this part of Kentucky. Please pray for me. This doesn't feel like home at all. I really just want to be playing air hockey with Caleb, going to Sonic with Liz, watching a Preds game with Amanda, holding baby Rory...

Oh how far I have come!!

2009-09-26T11:14:00.003-05:00

I made a B on a paper, and I am not the least bit upset. I've never made less than an A on a paper in my whole life. True story. I just feel like what I'm learning is more important than stressing over grades, so I'm doing enough to do okay. That doesn't mean I don't want to make A's. It means that I am not going to have anxiety just to make an A. Does that make sense?

This past week was kinda hard for me emotionally. I was missing my friends at home, the cafeteria food was awful, and the weather was (is) gross. I just wanted to climb in bed, pull the covers over my head, and sleep for days. I shared how I was feeling with my roommate, and I think that helped Friday to be a much better day. Plus, I got a home cooked meal last night. Oh the wonders of a good meal.

I now realize that coming to Kentucky was the first step in this new faith journey God has me on. He is challenging me constantly, and I feel myself pushing back often. I don't want to push back. I want to surrender. It's hard letting go of things, though. I don't mind sharing that I am probably going to go to a counselor while I'm here. Many, if not most, seminary students go to counseling at some point. I think that is wonderful. We are the people who are or will be spiritual leaders, and we need to be living in God's freedom and power. I don't mean to suggest that therapy is the only way to do that. I do think it is a good and helpful way to bring about emotional and spiritual healing. I have always known that seminary would not be a purely academic journey for me. I have prepared myself for the work that I know God must do in my life. Somehow I think that has ended with me putting up more walls than I had before. Please be praying that I won't be so afraid to fully surrender to God. Please pray that I will fully accept his love and forgiveness. Pray that I will walk in power and confidence that He gives me. Pray that emotionally I won't be a basket case through this whole process. I know God wants to transform me, and I want to be transformed.

Week 2

2009-09-20T09:59:00.002-05:00

I have wrapped up 2 weeks of class. The past week was really busy with trying to catch up on reading and a quick trip home.

Classes are going well. My favorite so far is probably my youth ministry class. Every week I feel like I am learning information that is useful. I also like that teacher. The class is very interactive, and surprisingly I speak up in class. I'm not normally one to answer questions or converse with the teacher, but it's like I'm already talking before I realize that I don't like to talk in class.

I went home Thursday because I had an appt. with my dermatologist on Friday. Dang adult acne. Thursday I spent hours working on homework. Friday I did homework in the dr.'s office then headed off to KB's to visit with her, Jay, and Rory. Oh that Rory!! She is so precious, even if she did pass gas on me all day. She even "did a worship" for me (raised her hand in the air like she was worshiping). Oh...and she smiled. She was sleeping and stretching and a smile spread across her face. It was quite possibly THE cutest thing I have EVER seen. She loves me. I came back to school yesterday (Saturday) because I kept getting texts and fb messages from my friends asking when I was coming back. They all missed me...or so they said, lol. I was happy to get back and happy to see all the girls.

I must share with you coffee drinkers some new deliciousness I learned about last night. One of my friends here works at Starbucks so she gets free coffee beans all the time. Last night she was grinding the coffee and added cinnamon to it. She brewed a pot of the cinnamon coffee this morning so I poured myself a cup, added creamer, and BAM it tastes just like a cinnamon dolce latte from Starbucks. I had been wanting a Starbucks drink for forever but haven't made it there yet. Now, I don't have to go.

Alright, this is long enough. So far I am doing well at updating weekly. We'll see how it goes after this. I hope everyone has a great week. If you pray for me, I ask you pray that I will A) get caught up on homework B) not stress out about homework C) quit eating when I'm not hungry and D) get a good sleep schedule so I'm not tired all the time. Thanks! :)

Oh by gosh, by golly

2009-09-13T16:52:00.006-05:00

I have so. much. reading. Yuuck! I need to get 18 hours worth of reading and note taking done before I go home on Thursday (I have a dr. appt. on Friday) so I will be all caught up. I planned on taking a short nap this afternoon, but it turned into a 3 hour nap. Ooops. I will just spend the rest of the evening reading/taking notes. It wasn't going so well earlier, and I got a bit discouraged.

I guess I should write a bit about life here in The Tucky. I live with a girl named Liz who is super nice and normal (that's always important...ha!). There are 2 other girls in my suite, and 5 other girls in the other suite on our side of the hall. I like them all, and we regularly eat lunch and/or dinner together. I have classes with several of them, too, so that is a big plus. Wilmore is a tiny town and is bascially just the seminary and the college. Speaking of the college...we have to eat dinner in their cafeteria. All dorm residents had to buy a meal plan, but the seminary cafeteria only serves lunch. So, any other meals have to be eaten at the college. The food is better there, so it's not a big deal. Anyway...Wilmore is about 10 minutes to a bigger town and about 20 to Lexington. So, everything is really close. I am very thankful for that! Luckily, the Target isn't too close to here, so I'm not tempted to go in randomly and spend money that I should be saving! :)

As far as school, I am taking 3 classes this semester (9 hours): Basic Christian Theology, Foundations of Youth Ministry, and Kingdom, Church, & World. My Basic Christian Theology is a TON of work, but we (my dorm mate Ashleigh and I) love, love, love our prof. I have a big paper and a bigger project in Foundations of Youth Ministry, but the weekly reading assignments aren't too bad. KCW isn't a hard class (even our prof. told us that). There are at least 6 girls I know in that class. We have to read books and write papers on them and do small group work. I think I will enjoy KCW a lot.

We all really like chapel. Usually the messages are so interesting and just plain good. The music varies from hymns to contemporary stuff. The hymns kinda rock my world because we use the United Methodist hymnal (we are a Wesleyan school), so I don't know a lot of them OR I've never sung the versions they sing. I like the hymns, though, and it's really cool to see people worshiping to both hymns and contemporary songs the same way.

I really really really like it here. I miss people from home (none more than Rory...oh my heart), but I know this is where God has placed me, and he has surrounded me with great new friends. I know you all have been praying for me. I appreciate it more than you know, and it has made my transitition here so much smoother. Plus, I got that scholarship! God is faithful, and He does provide!

I haven't felt like writing much until now because I had been so tired. I guess I finally got caught up on sleep and started feeling better yesterday. I will update as the semester goes along, at least once a week...if I'm not just swamped with homework. Thanks again for the prayers. I hope everyone has a great week.

PS: I took my nose ring out. I was afraid it had a cut or sore that I couldn't see (it did). AAAND it is just too dang hard to have a nose ring when you have allergies like I do. Makes for a hard time blowing your nose (tmi?)! :)

This stuff makes me mad too

2009-09-12T09:18:00.002-05:00

Ok, so have you guys heard the story of the South African runner whose gender was questioned, so they made her take a "gender test?" It's really appalling. I just feel so bad for this woman. She's only 18!! I won't say more because I think this post from another blogger states how I feel quite well.

:)

2009-09-11T09:42:00.003-05:00

Sooo...I got the scholarship! It's only $1000 per semester, definitely not full tuition, but I am still so happy!! God has provided just like I knew he would!

Labor Day

2009-09-07T13:27:00.002-05:00

Happy Labor Day! I am spending a relaxing day in the dorm until time to go out this evening. Lots of the girls are reading in preparation for the first day of class tomorrow. Not me!! I don't have any assignments due tomorrow, so I'm definitely not doing any work. I don't even have my books, yet. Tomorrow is sure to be a busy day with class, chapel, and plenty of errands to run. I'm excited, I'm not gonna lie. I'm good at school, and I'm looking forward to getting back into a routine. I really like it here, but it's hard not to compare myself to the other people here and think I am not good enough to be here. I know everyone has a story and God uses anyone he chooses and no one is perfect, but I still feel inferior. I know this is where I am supposed to be, and God is going to transform me. I just have to learn to see myself the way he sees me.

I am a new student no longer

2009-09-04T20:30:00.002-05:00

Orientation is over, and I am officially a seminarian. The last 2 days have been cram packed with events and information, but I think the new students as a whole have been so blessed. The professors prayed over us yesterday in the chapel service then came to lunch. My friends in the dorm and I keep talking about how welcome we feel here and how much the faculty seems to care. Over the 2 days we had a photo contest...whichever group took the best photos (1st, 2nd and 3rd place) got a prize. Our group got 2nd! We were pretty excited.

I am forgetting lots of things...oh yeah, the person who preached in chapel today used lyrics from David Baroni's song "Took Me Out of Egypt." I was so excited because I was like "HEY I KNOW WHO WROTE THAT!!!"

Yeah so I guess that's all for now. I'm sure I will remember more later.

I'm here!

2009-09-02T11:03:00.001-05:00

I am in Kentucky and all moved in my dorm. I've been relaxing and getting to know the other girls on my floor. Orientation is tomorrow and Friday. I will update soon!

Packing

2009-08-29T19:20:00.003-05:00

I hate packing, unpacking, and cleaning. I leave Monday and haven't packed the first thing. It will get done tomorrow, I guess. Lots and lots to do. Oooh...I need to defrost my mini fridge. I better do that tonight.

My face is broken out, and I am wearing my retainer. I feel 13.

Sorry for the randomness and scatter brained-ness of this post. I'm sure once I get to KY I will have much more to blog about.

Well........

2009-08-28T14:46:00.002-05:00

I turned in my scholarship application. I am hoping I get the scholarship, but I am praying for God's will. He will provide, one way or the other. God is good! If you don't mind, please be praying, too. It's full tuition...FULL TUITION!!!! I will let you all know as soon as I know anything.

By the way, Rory is so absolutely precious that I can hardly stand it. I can't believe I'm moving 4 hours away from her. She is already a huge blessing to our family. I'm looking forward to watching her grow up, but I want her to stay little. I just love her!

Ok...

2009-08-26T10:42:00.000-05:00

I'm ready to stop crying now.

I can't think of a good title

2009-08-24T21:17:00.003-05:00

It's no secret that seminary is going to cost me a lot of money, and I have been trusting God to provide. I have already arranged to take out student loans and have trusted that God would help me pay them off once I got out of school. This afternoon, however, I got a notice to apply for the presidential scholarship. This scholarship covers tuition for my whole time at Asbury. The really amazing/exciting part about it is that normally the application for this scholarship is due in the Spring before your first semester. I missed that date because I did not apply for school until May. Now, for some reason, the date is September 1st!! God has provided me an opportunity that there was no chance of me having before. Please pray that I get this scholarship, if it is God's will. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I know either way God has already provided and will continue to do so. Pray, pray, pray!

I love that baby!

2009-08-23T22:00:00.002-05:00

Have I told you lately that I love Rory? Because I do. I saw her again yesterday but didn't make it back today. I will hopefully see her tomorrow. They should be coming home from the hospital tomorrow afternoon. Man, I love that baby! She is so perfect and soooo good! I got to hold her quite a bit yesterday. She is the only baby that's ever made me cry (in a good way). If I hadn't been so young when Caleb (Amanda's son) was born, I'm sure I would have cried about him, too. It's great to have family you love, but it's GREAT to have family that you LOVE...and also like. I am so thankful for my aunt and uncle and Amanda, Caleb, Karen, Jay, and now baby Rory. I am so blessed!

Lorelai Ann

2009-08-22T10:33:00.003-05:00

Karen had Lorelai yesterday at 2:40 p.m. She had to have a c-section, and they had to put her all the way under because the epidural wasn't working adequately. Karen woke up in a lot of pain. She was still hurting pretty bad last night. I haven't heard any updates today.

Lorelai, or Rory as we will probably call her, is beautiful! She has full cheeks and HEALTHY lungs!! That girl is loud! She screamed and screamed when they first brought her out, as they bathed and dressed her, and as they did nothing to her. She finally went to sleep. We got to hold her last night after Karen woke up. She is just precious! I love her, I love her, I love her! Congrats Jay and Karen!! Oh by the way, since Lorelai was born yesterday, she and her daddy have the same birthday! Fun, no?

I'll make the great escape...

2009-08-20T12:23:00.002-05:00

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NASB)

My temptation is to trust in myself and choose other things over God, as you can see from my last couple posts. But, He has given me an escape. He has provided a way out, in more ways than one. It is my choice to escape or give in. As I said in my previous post, I am choosing God. Sometimes it physically hurts, but I know that is part of the process of growth and change. Thanks for the sweet comments some of you have left. I appreciate your prayers so much.

a better night

2009-08-19T23:28:00.002-05:00

From an e-mail I sent a little bit ago:

ok, i am recovered from my feeling down today. i can choose to follow/trust/believe God, or i can wallow and be sad. following God is a daily decision, and sometimes a moment to moment decision...and i'm choosing God. I want God's will for my life. i want to have his desires. i know the kind of ministry where God is going to use me, and unless i start choosing Him now, choosing his truth, his will, his plan, He will never be able to use me. i want to walk in His power and His grace. i am forgiven, i am loved, i am worthy. these are all messages God has been saying to me for years, and they are the messages i have to live with conviction because i will be teaching and modeling them in my ministry to young women. i'm excited to see how God is going to use me and where he is going to place me. for now, ky is where he wants me, and i can't wait to get there.

bad day.

2009-08-19T13:04:00.003-05:00

i am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day emotionally regarding some junk going on. i haven't cried this hard in a long, long time. i am hurt and i am sad and i am confused. i know God is here, but he is hard to see/hear, what with the tears, snot, and loud sobbing. i really need God's comfort and courage. i have peace that there is a bigger plan, but right now it is hard not to hurt.

Oh me!

2009-08-18T20:24:00.004-05:00

Less thank 2 weeks until I leave!! AHH! I am excited. I feel so much relief, peace, and confidence that can only come from God. I can't wait to get there and dive right in to life there.

Angry much?

2009-08-16T23:33:00.002-05:00

Just wondering...does anyone else find themselves getting angry for no reason at all, or something very small? I know that as a woman, hormones can affect the way I feel sometimes. But lately, I've been angry...a lot. It's been intermingled with sadness, so maybe it's stress from all the changes happening. Yet, I hate to just make excuses. I would rather figure out what's up and fix the problem. Maybe God's revealing to me another area that I struggle with but don't always notice. Maybe he is magnifying it so that I can work on it. Any thoughts on this? Tips? Suggestions?

New blogger...

2009-08-15T11:48:00.002-05:00

Forgot to mention that my sister now has a blog.

Sequins & Stilettos

Tick tock

2009-08-15T11:14:00.002-05:00

There are times when 1 hour seems like forever. Then the hour turns into a day. Then 2, then 3. Suddenly a week has passed and you wonder where the time went. Everyday gets a little bit easier, though not completely devoid of thoughts, memories that make some moments so difficult. Letting go is sometimes hard for me. But, starting new is fun and exciting. I love the possibilities and the opportunities to grow, learn, and make new friends.

The countdown continues. I leave in 2 weeks, 2.5 days.

Newness

2009-08-14T22:11:00.004-05:00

Do ya like the new header? It's a picture from my Alaska trip. I edited it with some free software (bc I'm too cheap to buy photo editing software). I'm still working on a new layout.

I found out about my dorm room and roommate today. I'm on the 3rd floor (ahh steps!). I've e-mailed my roommate and added her on fb. She seems nice and recently spent time in Alaska. What are the odds? I'm excited to get to KY and meet her!

Ok, that's enough for now.

A lesson in crying

2009-08-11T13:51:00.000-05:00

I cry. A lot. Well, a lot for me. Up until college, I had never been much of a crier. I had my moments, sure, but since my first year in college I have cried much more frequently. I'm not sure if this has to do with having people to talk/cry to or if it's just a change in me. On some level, I like crying. It lets me get emotions out, and I usually feel better afterward. On another level, I feel weak when I cry.

I am beginning to learn that for me, crying is a lesson in humility. It is something between God and me. I almost always cry when I pray. I cry if I talk about God. (I should probably note that for now, crying refers to anything from a mere watering of the eyes to sobbing.) I'm not sure of all the lessons God is trying to teach me through my emotions, but as of late I have felt him tugging me strongly. It is hard to put into words because I'm just not sure what is going on. Maybe crying is my "prayer language." By that, I mean that my crying is something I don't always understand and is many times purely between God and me. It is my spirit and my soul crying out for something more, something deeper. For a touch from God. For revelation, direction, guidance. Maybe it is something God has given me to remind me that He is always here for me. He has never left me...and he won't. Though I don't always like crying, it seems to be the water that is growing my relationship with Christ.

Psalm 126:5
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.

HELLO!

2009-08-10T09:40:00.003-05:00

Well, well. It's been a week or 2 since my last post. Not much has been happening. I went to Memphis for a week to visit my ex-roommate's sister and her family. Then, I came home and had my annual freak out. During this time I cry, vent, generally feel bad about myself and my abilities, and cry some more. It lasted a couple of days, and now all is well. I got an answer to prayer...yay! I also kept my kids (so sweet)!

Not much on the agenda for this week except to get things completely put away before I have to start packing again. 3 more weeks until the big move to KY! I find out my who my roommate is this week. I am praying she's really nice and not weird, haha. I am really looking forward to seminary! My blog title and posts will probably change then to focusing on my life as a seminary student. We'll see.

I hope all is well with everyone!

a struggle

2009-07-26T23:19:00.003-05:00

i have self-esteem issues. i don't know any woman my age who doesn't. i think this stems from not knowing our identities in Christ. we look for happiness and worth in a million other places, whether we are aware of it or not.

my struggle is looking for my worth only in Christ. i tend to look elsewhere. i'm not sure i even know what it means to find my worth or identity in Christ, though i've grown up in church.

my dad makes the observation that i let guys run my life...or however he words it (meaning, i make certain people a priority when they only make me an option). others agree. and it is true. it's not out of love or infatuation, it's out of my need to be needed or wanted. not good. my dad says i of all people shouldn't have low self-esteem. i'm not sure what he means by that...

my question is, whether you are a guy or girl, have you had similar struggles? what did you do to overcome them? how did you find your identity and worth in Christ?

Pray for Stellan

2009-07-26T22:37:00.002-05:00

No, I don't know this little boy, but he has a heart condition and is not doing well at all. Please pray! Click here to go to his mom's blog and read the story or here to go to her twitter feed.

updates updates

2009-07-20T19:44:00.004-05:00

i suppose an alaska update is due. we left saturday the 4th and got home sunday the 12th. we were traveling a total of 24 hours on each of those days.

the first day we slept late, visited some of my friend's family, and went to dinner. we didn't have energy for much more than that.
the second day, kisha and i slept late, walked on the beach and took pictures, and napped. everyone else went fishing and all got sick, except for 1 or 2. we had freshly caught fried halibut for dinner.
tuesday was spent visiting the shops in Homer, the town where we stayed. dinner was at a somewhat fancy restaurant.
wednesday we traveled several hours to go take a 6 hr dinner cruise out to a glacier. we saw whales, sea lions, porpoises, and lots of other wildlife. we watched huge pieces break off the glacier. it sounded like thunder. we got home around 1 am.
thursday we got up at 7 or 7:30 because we had a 4 hr trail ride to get to. we rode on the beach, through rivers and streams, through a trail, and up and down a very steep hill and/or mountain. it was super fun! we had dinner later that evening at another expensive/fancy restaurant.
friday kisha and i spent recuperating from the horseback ride. we were pretty exhausted and sore. we read, relaxed, and enjoyed the view out the huge windows in the living room of the house where we stayed.
saturday we attended the wedding of one of kisha's cousins. then we met some people for dinner. we used to go to church with them, and now they live in alaska. after that we headed to the airport.

the trip was great. alaska is beautiful!

this past weekend i went to ohio to visit a friend who is working at a camp there. he is leaving for seminary in seattle in just a few weeks and isn't able to make it back home before then. the drive was around 8 hours, and i traveled alone. i had a good time though. i stayed at the camp and had my own room/bathroom since most of the other counselors were gone for the weekend. i climbed their rock climbing tower thing, and it scared the crap out of me. it was good to just hang out and catch up on life. and get the crap scared out of me. ha.

i should be all moved this week...I HOPE! i am ready to be settled somewhere...right before i am uprooted again. i am still super excited about moving to kentucky! i am looking forward to seminary. i will write more about that later, but this post is already long. until next time...

also...yes i proofread this post but the only thing i tried to fix were spelling errors. i didn't take time to do anything with commas and such. i'm too tired.

Alaska!

2009-07-13T16:04:00.004-05:00

I am back!

I got home around 11 or 12 yesterday. I took a shower, ate a quick lunch, and crashed. 24 hours of traveling plus jet lag made for one exhausting trip home.

I will write a post later about the trip, but for now I think I am going to take a nap.

Summer Break!!

2009-07-01T09:10:00.002-05:00

Today starts MY summer break!! So far, so good.

My last day of work went well. I got a few gifts, some balloons, and they bought my lunch. I'm going to miss the people there. Then, Katie bought my dinner last night. Oh, and on top of all that, the Hamada's had their baby boy yesterday!! I knew he would arrive to help me celebrate my last day of work :).

Now, I have some coffee brewing, I'm watching tv, and I am about to make waffles. A nice way to start the day.

3 days until Alaska!

Endings...

2009-06-28T19:12:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow starts my last 2 days of work. It hasn't sunk in, yet. I think I don't really have time to process stuff right now. I'm leaving work, moving, and going on vacation all in one week. Moving to Kentucky hasn't sunk in either, and probably won't until I get there. I am so excited about all the changes! It is stressful, but not the bad kind of stress. And yes, I cry easily right now. I tend to do that when stressed. But it makes me feel better.

I'm not really worried about anything in regards to moving, except losing my friends here. There are some I've known a looong time who I know will always be here. There are others, though, I'm just not sure about. I know God will send me friends in Kentucky, and I plan to get involved at a church there as soon as I move.

Even though I have one worry, I am filled with so much peace and hope about everything. I know God will take care of it all, and I am trusting him. I appreciate you all praying for me the last several months.

And speaking of prayer requests...I had asked you guys a month or 2 ago to pray for my friend Tommy to find a job before his job ends on Tuesday. Well...he started a new job last week!!! So that means Karen, Kasey, Tommy, and I have all gotten jobs because of God hearing and answering your prayers! It's really cool, if you think about it. Thanks again for the prayers, and don't you dare quit praying for me! :)

I am pretty sure...

2009-06-22T20:19:00.005-05:00

...that Jon and Kate don't get it. They don't understand that your spouse and your marriage come before your children. I'm sure if those kids could choose between all the toys in the world and having their parents happy and together, they would pick the latter. And...Jon and Kate haven't mentioned God at all.

Watching their demise saddens and scares me. Of course I don't know the whole situation, but I feel as though Kate is playing the victim role and trying to blame Jon for everything. She tries to act like she only thinks about the kids and Jon only thinks about himself. At least she seems to be remorseful for her years of being so hard on Jon. And at least she wants to save her marriage. Sigh. This is all just so sad. What's funny is...I'm worried about people I don't even know.

I guess all we can do is pray for them.

Banana Bread

2009-06-20T15:41:00.003-05:00

Monday starts my last full week of work. I haven't really been thinking about it. I move back into my parents house probably next weekend. Then the next weekend I leave for Alaska. The weekend after that I come home from Alaska. And the weekend after that I am probably going to visit a friend. It's a busy summer, just like I wanted.

Last night, I made 2 loaves of banana bread for my bff. (He had some extra bananas and it was enough for 2 loaves, so 2 he got). He said it was really good. Today, I made 2 more loaves of plain banana bread...one for my dad, and one for Liz and me. It turned out delicious.

I slept til 11:30 today, but could still take a nap. I've been curled up on the couch watching free movies on demand. I need to venture out later to get my dad's father's day present. Mom, Amy, and I already bought him a few little things but we found out he wants an ipod. So, I will go get that tonight.

Did I mention I got my nose pierced? My mom likes it. Dad hasn't seen it, yet. Yes, it hurt. Yes, I like it.

Ok...time to get back to the movie ("Dan in Real Life").

Have I told you lately...

2009-06-17T19:52:00.002-05:00

...that I hate storms? Because I do. A LOT. Please pray that the storms dissipate before they get here. Please, please, please. I hate storms.

Oh Monday...

2009-06-15T22:51:00.002-05:00

It has been a long day.

After work, I made some delicious pasta. It took me a while because I am not a whiz in the food prep department. I am more of a throw stuff in the mixer then pour in a pan kind of woman. Chopping and such is not my forte. But, I did have fun and the pasta turned out really well even though I had to modify the recipe a bit. Richie liked it a lot, and I sent most of it home with him because I could never eat all of it. Now, I am headed to bed. I've got the headache I get when I am tired. That usually means I sleep well.

Goodnight.

Oh...and my injured fingers are actually doing really well. One is still swollen, but they don't hurt too much. Yay.

Sunday, not fun day

2009-06-14T14:21:00.004-05:00

Today I shut the car door on my hand. It was bizarre when I turned to see my hand in the closed door. I couldn't feel it. I got inside the church (where I was working), and the pain hit me, along with feeling sick at my stomach and lightheaded. Yuck. Put some bandaids and ice on my fingers. They're much better now. I didn't cry. Yes, I wanted to.

Next, a baby spit up on my foot. It was all over my flip flop and between my toes. Gross.

And finally, I made some roasted (red) potatoes for lunch. They are currently my favorite thing to cook because they are easy and yummy.

Time for a nap!

ZzzZzzzz

2009-06-12T20:14:00.002-05:00

So every day this week I have come home from work and crashed. I usually only sleep a half hour to an hour, but yesterday I slept 2 hours, meaning I woke up around 7:30 p.m. Today, I took the afternoon off and slept from about 2:30-5:00. I have no idea why I am so tired. I went to bed late Saturday night and was busy all day Sunday, so maybe I am just trying to get caught up. Who knows?

My roommate STILL isn't home. I haven't seen her since........last Friday or Saturday. I miss her!

Only three weeks until my Alaska trip! My last day of work is Tuesday the 30th, and I leave for Alaska on Saturday the 4th. I will miss my friends at work, for sure. I will not miss being bored. Since it's summertime and school is out, my job has sloooowed to a halt.

I miss Amanda.

That's all.

Work Boredom

2009-06-10T11:28:00.003-05:00

Not much happening around here (work) today. I finally registered for classes and did my online student loan interview thingamajig. THEN, since I was bored, I started playing with photobooth. Here is the result of my friend Amy making me laugh in the middle of my photobooth photo session. I don't remember what she said that was so funny.

Nothing, really

2009-06-09T17:05:00.003-05:00

It seems like I haven't posted in a while, but it's only been 6 days. That's not THAT long. I am still tired. Maybe I am always tired. Something to think upon, I suppose. I've been working, sleeping, and playing with Richie's new dog, Lucy. She is a white pit bull with 2 different colored eyes. She looks a lot like Karen's dog (Daisy), may she rest in peace. Speaking of Karen...I stopped by the other day to see the baby's room. Yeah, it is totally way cuter than the picture on her blog suggests and the furniture is beautiful. Karen is a cute pregnant lady, but the belly totally creeps me (and Jay) out!! I did get to feel Rory kick, though! I was quite excited. I love spending time with Jay and Karen because they let me eat their food and talk as much as I want :). But really, I just enjoy being around them.

Tonight, I am babysitting. The girls and I are going to make flower pens, if all goes as planned. Nicholas can make one, too, if he wants. I love the kids, so they will be a perfect ending to an already much better than usual day.

Oh, and the information that you probably don't want to know...the accutane is causing my nose to bleed and my lips to stay constantly chapped. They feel yucky. Of course, my face is really dry, too. I will be glad when my skin is clear and I don't have to take this medicine anymore!

Can I sleep until June 30th?

2009-06-03T20:19:00.004-05:00

What's left from last night's to-do list:

Do my online loan entrance interview so that I can then accept my loans for Asbury. Wow, the number on the screen is huge! But, I know I am following God's plan. I know he will provide. I love the peace that comes with trusting God.
Register for classes!!!!!
Clean my room!

None of that is happening tonight. Work is wearing me out. Not having my own space and desk is just...I don't know, but it's not good! Sometimes I feel like I can barely breathe, much less think and work. So each night when I get home, I don't do anything I don't HAVE to do. I ate, showered, did laundry, and slept last night. Anything else just was NOT happening. I finished up my work stuff at work today...what a novel idea! There was an empty office today because someone had the day off, so I took it over for a couple hours and got all my stuff done. I wrote my last report today...woohoo! 3 weeks and 5 days until my last work day!!

Oh and I just remembered, I have lots of packing to do before moving at the end of this month! Booooooooooooooooo!

Busy, busy

2009-06-02T17:17:00.003-05:00

Tonight I have to/need to:

Finish some stuff for work. Type up a document and also fill in my contact logs for the last 2 weeks.
LAUNDRY!
Do my online loan entrance interview so that I can then accept my loans for Asbury. Wow, the number on the screen is huge! But, I know I am following God's plan. I know he will provide. I love the peace that comes with trusting God.
Register for classes!!!!!
Clean my room!
Shower.
Cook and eat dinner.
SLEEP!

Man oh man I am tired just thinking about all that, and for a quick second or 2 I got overwhelmed. But it's all okay. I can get it done. I am so excited for all the great things happening in my life!

Headache!

2009-05-31T22:25:00.003-05:00

I am not one to have many headaches, and if I do they rarely get me down. But ugghhh I have had a headache ALL day today! I'm not sure if it's sinus pressure or from allergies, but it needs to go! I've gone about my day like I normally would because I thought maybe if I got my attention off of it, it would go away. No luck. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning! 22 more work days to go! 4 weeks and 2 days total until my last day!!! Can you feel my excitement?

Bits and pieces

2009-05-30T13:22:00.005-05:00

First- Jeremy came home from the hospital yesterday! Thanks to everyone for praying!

Second- I went to my dermatologist yesterday to get my Accutane prescription. He informed me that my cholesterol is slightly high and that I will probably want to eat low fat/low cholesterol while on the Accutane because it can make your levels spike. This news wasn't overly surprising because I remember my pediatrician telling me when I was bout 8 that I had high cholesterol. SO now I'm all freaking out about heart disease and such and spent $53 at Kroger stocking up on yummy food that is also good for me. I will also start exercising. In fact, I walked from my house to CVS and back today (according to mapquest, it's 2.88 miles round trip). I might as well use the high cholesterol as motivation to take care of myself and get healthy.

Third- I finally got my Chacos. I wound up having to order the wide size (I have a wide foot...eep!), which they didn't have in the color I originally wanted. So, I got these:

So far I like them, even though I have blisters on my feet at the moment. Once I get them worn in it shouldn't be a problem.

Seminary Bound!!

2009-05-28T11:24:00.000-05:00

I got my e-mail of acceptance today!!! YAY!